Self Help and Self Assertion

Dr. Purushothaman
October 1, 2013

Two of the most popular searches on the internet every day of the week is Self-help and self-assertion. Nearly everyone has an inborn desire to help themselves either in a material, or spiritual way. Self-help is the most important way to achieving self-acceptance. If you have decided on self-help, or self-assertion techniques as a way to achieve personal development and success, then be very pleased for yourself for taking personal accountability for your shortcomings. You have decided to work on accepting yourself and then improving yourself on the basis of your inherent humanity.

Being a fallible human being, as everyone is, it is really easy to put yourself down from time to time instead of accepting that as a human you are bound to make mistakes. Self help is about accepting that you have flaws, but you are doing something about them in a positive and assertive way.

Basically being assertive means standing up for yourself, and what you believe, in a non hostile way. Being assertive is not about applying violence or bullying to get your point of view across. The difference is, when you are being assertive you are still in charge of your actions, but when you are applying violence nearly all of your behaviour will be reckless.

The thing is, people are a lot more certain to act in response to your wishes when you are being assertive. This is all because you are talking in a clear calm way - not because they are frightened of your anger. More often than not, your hostility is about winning a disagreement and making the other person agree that you are right. The assertion is not about winning or dominating the other person. No, the assertion is all about getting your point of view across in a clear none aggressive manner.

If you have the inclination to become furious during a disagreement and get verbally or physically aggressive in a short time, give yourself time out: take a few deep breaths and then count to ten slowly. Hardly anything good has ever come out of a heated argument, so taking a few deep breaths and counting will always work if you want to calm down quickly. Also while doing the breathing and counting remember to think about how everyone has their own opinions and their own shortcomings.

If you accept that everyone is unique and that everyone is special and flawed in equal measure then accepting yourself for what you are will be a lot easier


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