Are you facing problems saying "no" to a request without feeling bad? It's not just you, the reality is even a lot of naturally assertive individuals sometimes wind up accepting a task when they actually want to refuse.
Needless to say, there can be some instances that you may not have a choice in the matter, like in the event that your superior asks you to take on a task and its part of your work duties. That said, there are plenty of circumstances whereby we can easily refuse without any the threat of terrible consequences but we say â€œyesâ€ in spite of that. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Challenging
The easy explanation of why itâ€™s so hard for many people to say â€œnoâ€ is that it causes them to feel bad. This sense of guilt often arise from inaccurate beliefs about saying â€œnoâ€, such as:
- Saying â€œnoâ€ is impolite
- Saying â€œnoâ€ is selfish
- Saying â€œnoâ€ is cruel
- Saying â€œnoâ€ will make people to dislike me
- My preferences arenâ€™t as worthwhile as another person's needs
Notice that all of these beliefs are focused on conforming with other people's expectations and being reckoned well by folks. Putting it simply, youâ€™re rendering somebody else the power to control your choices rather than accepting responsibility for your selections.
A Simple Method To Say No Without Feeling Bad
If you wish to have the ability to decline a request without feeling guilty, then youâ€™ll need to substitute these values with more helpful ones, such as:
- Just as folks enjoy the right to ask, you've got the right to turn them down
- In the event that you say â€œnoâ€, youâ€™re refusing the request as opposed to the person
- A lot of people are understanding enough to acknowledge a â€œnoâ€ response
- Your desires are just as worthwhile as other people's wants
Obviously, youâ€™re not probably going to realistically convert your attitudes instantly. Replacing those old attitudes with these new ones will need time, but the key is to carry on practicing them.
A Simple 5 Step Guide For Saying "No"
Needless to say, even with the appropriate thinking about saying â€œnoâ€ it can remain challenging to verbalize it once the scenario takes place. The following are some helpful suggestions that will make it less of a challenge you to say no without too much difficulty:
1. Keep it short and simple
When youâ€™re saying â€œnoâ€ to someone, itâ€™s advisable to be clear-cut about it and keep it short and simple. You donâ€™t have to offer a extensive justification to support it.
2. Be polite about it
You can get the â€œnoâ€ across without too much trouble by being well-mannered about it, for instance you could say â€œI appreciate you for asking, but...â€
3. Donâ€™t apologize or make excuses
When youâ€™re refusing a request, you donâ€™t need to say sorry or make justifications to make a case for yourself. You possess every right to decline without providing a justification for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Try to avoid saying â€œI canâ€™tâ€ or pointing to factors outside of your control for your saying "no". Make it clear that itâ€™s your decision instead.
5. Deal with the results
In rare cases, the individual you are saying â€œnoâ€ to could end up being momentarily displeased with you but you have got to accept that. Itâ€™s far better than harming the relationship with bitterness in the long term.
In any case, learning how to say "no" without feeling guilt can be difficult. Applying these lessons of saying â€œnoâ€ can go a long way towards making it easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly suggest registering yourself in a formal assertiveness training class.
About the Author
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