We commonly stay away from situations in order avoid feeling a particular way based on past experiences of being overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were particularly vulnerable or delicate. This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you feel it fully, you will be destroyed. We will begin to learn how to identify this dynamic.
When and if confronted with the social tension that are uncomfortable check in with your body and see if there is anywhere in particular that you notice tension or any type of feeling in your body. It might be subtle but there most likely is some type of pattern that is going on within your body. Shifting focus to your body will do several things. One it shifts you away from the chatter going on inside your head. It also creates a new awareness of a body pattern, which will eventually allow you to move through that pattern. The key in checking out the body tension or any feeling is to really zoom in on it for a few minutes. Similar to map quest - keep zooming in or focusing on the most intense part or center of the feeling. Describe the feeling to yourself, how big is it, sharp or dull? How is your breathing, etc. At first this may seem unproductive or simplistic but most of us live in our thoughts about the past and the future, rather than being aware of how we actually feel in the moment.
Once you have checked in with your body then ask yourself could I let this feeling go? Or Could I allow this feeling to be here? Or could I welcome this feeling? These questions are merely asking you if it is possible to take this action. Yes or no are both acceptable answers. As best you can, answer the question that you chose with a minimum of thought, staying away from second-guessing yourself. These questions are not important in and of themselves but are designed to point you to the experience of letting go. No matter which question you started with, ask yourself this simple question: Would I? In other words, "Am I willing to? Again, stay away from second-guessing. Finally ask yourself "When?" This is an invitation to just do it now.
You can also try this whole process prior to be in the actual situation that causes the tension. The challenge will be summon up the feelings that you experience when in this situation. If you can do this it will speed up the entire process.
Life Coaching Tool: Consistent action every day.
If the "how to" for achieving success had to be summed up in just one single word, that word would be perseverance. It is the one characteristic shared by all successful people throughout history. Perseverance is the true essence of success.
There are three words in the English language that are often used synonymously, yet have slightly different meanings when referring to success. They are:
Persistence. The act of holding firmly and steadfastly to a purpose, state, goal, or undertaking despite obstacles, warnings, or setbacks.
Determination. The quality of mind which reaches definite conclusions; decision of character; resoluteness.
Perseverance. Persistent determination.
I find it quite ironic how similar persistence and insanity can appear from a spectator's point of view. Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. When I think of insanity, I picture a guy in a straight-jacket banging his head against the wall, or Jack Nicholson in The Shining banging out on his typewriter, "All work no play makes Jack a dull boy" over and over. Then there is a story about Walter P. Chrysler who, in 1905, bought his first car, which he immediately took apart in order to see how it worked. After putting it back together again, he repeated the process - rumor has it several times. Chrysler's friends and family thought he had lost his mind. Needless to say, Chrysler's persistence allowed him to create one of the largest automobile manufacturing companies in the world and realize success beyond his dreams.
Persistence is NOT insanity. Giving up your purpose or goal due to obstacles - that's insanity! In the case of Chrysler, although assembling the car over and over did produce the same apparent results, there was a learning and thought process going on in Chrysler's head. As for Jack in The Shining... well, he was just plain insane.
The key to determination is the word "decision". You must decide what you want before you can get it. Despite the sanity and perfectly legitimate reasoning behind back up plans, I always admired those who refused to even think of a backup plan because they were so determined that their plan was going to work. Determination takes great self-confidence and decisiveness. You must be willing to completely disregard all alternatives to your decision and set it clear in your mind that you MUST and you WILL.
Perseverance is a great word that is defined by persistent determination. It is such a powerful word that once you experience true perseverance, simply reading, saying or hearing the word will energize you.
About the Author
Ron is the founder of Oesterlein Coaching and Consulting and managing partner for Center Avenue Partners, LLC, is dedicated to helping individuals navigate the process of realizing their aspirations and goals. Whether the goal is a breakthrough success - professionally and/or personally - Ron guides, supports and focuses clients in on achieving sustainable results. With over 1600 hours of client coaching, Ron has established a diverse client ba
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