How Understanding Your Troubled Relationship can Save It

Dr. Purushothaman
January 22, 2014


If you are in a relationship, and, if you are finding things to be a bit confusing, there could be one or more reasons for this. You could be feeling like the relationship has run its course, or you might not be being honest with yourself. You could merely be pretending to be happy, or even that perhaps you are afraid of what the next step will be, or needs to be. These are signs of a troubled relationship that can plague a person and even put strain on what is possibly already a damaged relationship. One of the more common things to experience is guilt over lying. By that I mean hiding your true feelings about the relationship and its status when there was once a great deal of love in the relationship. But now, feelings are mixed and there are outside factors contributing to the confusion.
When you start considering your troubled relationship, its important to brainstorm the sorts of things you want versus the types of things you don't want in your relationship. A list of pros and cons, if you will. I know a lot of people are dismissive about this sort of thing, but making a list is one of the most effective tools you can use to create clarity. So on the unwanted side of the list, you can include items like wanting a faithful partner, a non-abusive relationship, or being ignored or neglected, and so on. When it comes to the things that you want to have happen, you can write things like your desire to grow and develop emotionally, or your desire for excitement and romance in your relationship. Is the stimulation you desire intellectual or spiritual? Do you want to attend a book group or a church?
Now that you have drawn up your list of wants and desires, you need to go through them. This will help you to identify what you truly want and don't want. This then helps you to figure out more about the situation you are in. From there it will be easier to figure out what course its going to take from here. This is where you need to observe your partner and work out if they are really capable of growth or not, and whether or not they are going to be capable of doing their part to turn that troubled relationship around. If the relationship is to be saved, they need to be able to contribute to its repair and to its ability to move forward.
If things are really bad, then you are going to need to take a step back and clear your head in order to see things as they really are. This might even involve a temporary separation so that both of you can take the time to be alone and evaluate the situation without distraction. Without having to live together you will remove much of the stress of the situation. That way, both of you can think with clearer heads and be able to make a truer evaluation of the situation.
The thing that you may discover is that your relationship is now at such a point that it would be a mistake for the two of you to be together any longer and that you really do need to end the relationship. Its unfortunate, but some relationships are just not meant to be. This is not to discourage you from finding that one special someone. It is in fact to encourage you to take the steps you need to take to find them if your current relationship is beyond help. If, on the other hand, the two of you have discovered that you both can work on the relationship and by doing so, end the troubles, get to it. And the one thing that you both have to do in this process is to be open with each other and communicate with each other. If you are not communicating openly and honestly, its going to be so much more difficult to be successful in achieving that goal.
The thing is that just because a relationship is in trouble doesn't necessarily mean that the end is near. What it does mean is that you and your partner need to get together and start working things out. The two of you need to get onto the same team and start pulling in the same direction if you are going to stand any chance of successfully moving the relationship forward. But its up to both of you to decide whether you want to move the relationship toward its end, or toward continuation with each other. Good luck.
About the Author
I'm a Life Coach, Thought Field Therapy (TFT) Practitioner and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)Practitioner. I'm also a researcher and writer specializing in relationships and personal development among many other fields. To find out more visit

Article Source:

Read Related Recent Articles