Some Dangerous Mistakes Guys Make in a Relationship

Open Dreams - A man standing with open arms set against a beautiful sunrise.

Dr. Purushothaman
January 22, 2014

Guys can really work on these mistakes in order to have fulfilled and long lasting relationships with their wives or soul mates:
Giving a woman absolute power
Women have great power in-built in them. Naturally, good ones among them can make good advisers. However, guys usually get into serious trouble when they make their women lord and master in a relationship; she decides when you laugh, sigh, have sex, sing, dance, play, go out with friends, she dictates when you should do charity and to whom you should do so.
There is no point overlaboring the fact that she is your number one adviser and fan, but allowing her to override you can really unsettle you and disfigure the relationship in the long run. Applying caution on the amount of power you give her is a necessary evil. A thousand and one relationships have crumbled because the woman felt that her absolute power was committed into flames by the man.
Most of them always want to control power at all times. The world is witnessing an upsurge of feminism or feministic movements where some women thinks they are ‘super or iron ladies; capable of doing virtually everything a man can do and so many things a man cannot do. It starts from home. It is not good for a man to enslave his mate, but at the same time it is evil to give her absolute power.
If you are a man that cannot make certain decisions on your own, then you deserve such an authoritative woman in your life. But be ready to make up your mind that she will be the man in the relationship and you will be the woman even though nature has given you something dangling in between your two legs.
For a relationship to flourish both partners ought to know that their power meter is about 50-50; giving something like 70-30 deal in favor of the feminine gender may be too dangerous most times. Keep in mind that women are called weaker sex, not necessarily because they don't have strong bones, but when you give her an absolute power, she might turn it to her advantage and thoughtlessly disrespect you. You might spend the whole of your life trying to restore what you have destroyed, and that dream may never be actualized.
  Hoarding too much control on your own
Relinquishing absolute control to the feminine gender may not help the relationship, but at the same time, do not make the mistake of hoarding all the power to yourself. If not, you will end up accomplishing the opposite, using her as a toy. No reasonable woman will like to be used as a toy especially in this 21st century when the world is daily witnessing an upsurge of feminist movements and philosophies.
Do not create power struggle or supremacy in the relationship; there is no room for competition in a genuine and long lasting relationship. You will endanger your relationship if you ever attempt marrying a woman that feels superior to be under a man. Such women are too restive and trying.
When a proud woman deifies herself, it becomes too difficult convincing her of her own mortal state. I have had a friend that was too domineering, she loved me no doubt, but all she wanted was to make me her puppet, I endured it for a while, and was complaining about it, but all my complaints fell on deaf ears.
I wanted equal rights and freedom of expression. At a point; it became obvious to me that we were not meant to be. She was a very good girl, decent, romantic, though not sociable, and came from a very good family. To the best of my knowledge she was not guilty of cheating, or lies, but she wanted to be supreme in the relationship and she never wanted to change, that was her only problem, i discovered it at the early stage of our relationship.
I decided to call it a quit, one hot afternoon. This was how the relationship suffered profusely and of course died naturally. She begged, and begged and begged but I stood my ground and had no regrets for taking that decision till date. Because, we weren't compatible. I am doing fine after leaving her, and I believe she is fine wherever she is now. With a sincerest heart, I wish her well and Gods choicest blessings.
Biblically, we were meant to understand that a man should lead, and the woman follows. God foresaw this from the origin of time, and created a woman out of the mans rib. As a sign of good faith, a man should care and shower his partner with unconditional love, and he should expect same from the woman.
But it would be too dangerous to the relationship if the woman wants to be overly possessive or domineering. 90% of guys don't turn on easily with such ladies. A guy shouldn't see the woman as her own possession. Both of you are mates.
Allowing family, friends, or associates to dictate the rhythm of the relationship
Relationship is for matured minds; a right thinking guy and an understanding woman. It is for people that want to eke out a great future for themselves. If you are married, try as much as you can not to allow your in-laws to be decision-makers in your relationship. Allowing the interference of a third party is the fastest way to halt a growing relationship; one party will always feel being cheated.
Your wife obviously will not be happy receiving a bossy tone from any of your close relatives; mother, father, or siblings. She can tolerate you, but may find it difficult with them. In the past, a lot of relationships have suffered because of this. Naturally, women abhor taking decisions made by a fellow woman. Your relationship bond should not be influenced by external factors. You can always seek divine consent on severe cases, but not a human intervention.
Always kissing up
There is no contest that she is your beautiful queen, the girl of your dream, but don't deify her out of proportion as if she is an infallible goddess. She has the capability of commanding and returning respect. Your woman deserves to be respected simply because she is human. Even the Holy Writ admonishes us to be respectful to one another. Besides this, every other respect is earned.
You shouldn't be too apologetic unless you have truly messed up. Don't accept blame, when you are actually not wrong. Real men call a spade by its name. Accepting a blame that isn't your fault is the easiest way to exhibit your juvenile and inferiority complex. Furthermore, over- flattering or placing your beautiful queen on a high pedestal that she forgets that there is a ground is the fastest way to dig her own grave, and real ladies will decline such unnecessary and unmerited exaltations.
Most men are always eager to please their ladies, this is good and fair, but you should match all your actions with boldness of reason. Philosophically, anthropologically and economically, man is an insatiable creature. Obviously, you have not reached where you want to be in life (financially, academically, spiritually or otherwise), that is life for you. Life is designed in a way that you can never have everything at your beck and call. You need to keep working hard relentlessly.
However, every woman will always like to see that you are making huge progress on a daily basis. No one will like to be associating with a never-do-well. Even if you are not a forest, try to be a fruitful tree. All a woman asks for is a tenacious and goal-oriented man. If she is asking for more, then you will have to reconsider your earlier decisions, may be you are not with the right person.
  Choosing a woman based on physical beauty or appearance
Right from the ancient times, philosophers have advised us to be wary about the problem of appearance and reality. Many philosophers of antiquity have philosophized on this problem for ages. Humans are easily seduced by attractions or physical beauty such that what many calls love at first sight is sometimes a mere sensuality, infatuation and lustful feeling.
Physical beauty blindfolds most guys initially that they forget to search for the essential attributes they really want in a woman. Some rare qualities a real woman can use to pierce the heart of a man are compassion, love, simplicity, humility, and honesty.
If you are encumbered by physical compatibility only, it may be too late discovering the harm you have done to yourself, and retracing the earlier steps may be an uphill task. This is why I always insist that relationships are for serious minded people. The real beauty of a woman is her internal attributes before the physical appearance. Philosophers were right when they said that appearance is different from reality.
Being too busy to love
Do not place anything like friends, co-workers, animals, hobbies, automobiles etc before your soul mate. It is true that once in a while, you will like to hang out with some cute buddies, or spend extra time working on some important projects. But do not allow those things to hold more meaning to you than your relationship. You need to treasure your relationship with every drop of your blood. Your woman is an eagle and deserves to be given an undiluted attention. Value your union and express your trust with her. Discuss your fears or anxieties and, prospects together.
Succumbing to the temptations from other women
For some strange reasons, women are easily attracted to married men or men that are engaged and even richer men. Men, also suffer the same fate, but men tend to cheat more than women. You have weakness for lust simply because you are human, and have blood running in your veins. Sometimes, you may find it difficult resisting the temptations from getting attracted to other women.
As someone who is in a serious relationship and who has willingly made his choice, you should try all within your power to conquer that temptation whenever it comes. Keep in mind, that temptations will keep coming as long as you keep conquering them. Your woman from to time to time may like to see your maturity, because she knows you can be attracted to other women. Some even go to the extent of tempting you with their friends, siblings or co-workers.
All these are temptations you should expect. You will cut short the trust and love she has for you if you yield to this temptation and this might eventually lead to a breakup. You will be highly valued if your mate knows that you are not abusing the relationship. She can go to any extent to make you happy; women can love possessively more than men.
It is 100% possible to be tempted any time any day; you can never run away from it. This is a natural phenomenon, but it would be unwise to yield to it. It takes lots of integrity and patience from a real man to go against the grain.
Neglecting a womans comfort zone
At different occasions in your life, you will be to be attracted to some cute babes either in the church, in the club, campus, on the street, and so on. Of course, you may be seeing yourself as a nice and caring guy; she may not be seeing you as one.
Don't be too forward. Approach her in the right manner. Throw away your status at the first move, and be ready to face the initial rejection if it comes. You must have enough shock absorbers in your bank. If she gives you attention, it will be safer to tell her the simplest truth about yourself than trying to fool her with imaginary or utopian lies about yourself; because she already knows you want to woo her.
If you tell her lies about yourself, and she eventually discovers that in the long run, she may think you are unreal despite your songs of love to her. Let her know your present status, a real woman will love and accept you the way you are. A responsible lady doesn't want to jump into a relationship anyhow. She needs to be convinced, because she must have fallen into the hands of so many fake guys in the past.
One day, I met a lady; I love the way she laughs, talks, sings, moves and does her thing. I observed all these likable qualities after studying her from a distance for some time. At a point, I approached her, introduced myself and appreciated her for being nice.
But she didn't think in the same direction with me, instead she warned me to desist from appreciating her and even told me that she is not interested in knowing me. I left, though unhappily. After a couple of months, I met her in one of the social networks; she was so excited to see me.
The desire to woo her became more intense again. I made the move again, she declined totally. I left her and was going about my businesses, but I have never failed to appreciate her whenever I see her on the road, in the church and so on. She will always respond casually without any sentiment of emotion or affection. We became casual friends.

To my utmost surprise, the pursuer now became pursued to the extent that she had to spend quality time trying to prove to me that she loves me deeply. Today, we are very good friends, but not romantically-linked, because at the point she wanted me deeply, I was already in a serious relationship and I made this issue clear to my partner. Friendship, love, honesty, sincerity of purpose, understanding, effective communication and trust must be the driven force in every relationship.
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About the Author
Ethelbert Obinna Umeh is a prolific writer, Freelance Journalist, inspirational/ motivational speaker, relationship counselor, teacher and publisher. He has a degree in Philosophy from Pontifical Urban University, Rome. Currently, Pursuing a Postgraduate Diploma in Journalism from International Institute of Journalism, Owerri, Nigeria.
Some of his works published online and elsewhere cut across Politics, healthcare, economy, relationships, environment, arts, travel, Food, wine, religion and Family issues. He speaks English, French and Latin. But that is not all; he has edited thousands of manuscripts, press releases, and ghostwrote books. This is his latest. Feel free to hook him up on facebook or follow him on Twitter.
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