Saving a Relationship or Letting It Go - Help To Make A Painful Decision

how to become flexible in life

Dr. Purushothaman
January 22, 2014


When a relationship is dead in the water, you may be wondering about saving it or letting it go. Maybe you are wondering if it's run its course. Perhaps you are not getting along with your partner as you used to, the love appears to have died, and neither of you are getting your needs met. Perhaps fighting and arguing is the only passion left in your relationship or maybe you have just lost the incentive to communicate altogether. The decision on saving a relationship or letting it go can be a painful one involving many mixed feelings. However, don't put off making this decision indefinitely, if your happiness is at stake. You can get help to turn your relationship around if this is what you decide. Read on to get some help.
Your feelings of confusion may be further compounded if you don't know what your partner is thinking. Perhaps you feel guilty for having feelings of "wanting out" as you know your partner would never even consider such a thing. Or perhaps it is you that wants to revive the relationship and get it back on track and you don't know whether your partner is open to this idea or how to get started. Maybe there are children involved and you want to try to put everything right for their sake.
The first thing to do is to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. If you are just "rubbing along" together, then with both partners willingness, the relationship can probably be revived and saved. Signs of this are when you feel reasonably happy as long as you don't probe beneath the surface to look for what is missing. Alternatively, perhaps you are just pretending to be happy, afraid to step out of your comfort zone and the consequences of voicing your doubts. Guilt and confusion can be a common factor in relationships where one partner is just going through the motions.
Once you have been honest about how you feel, then you need to decide what you want for your future. Think in terms of how you want your future ideal relationship to look. Be realistic of course. Think how you want your needs to be met and how you can change yourself. You may include physical and verbal communication, for example, more sex or not being ignored when you come in from work. You may want excitement, travel, personal growth or intellectual stimulation. Compare how you both acted back when you and your partner were in love. Do you think that you could get back to that happy state with some work and cooperation?
It may be, however, that you have outgrown your partner. Sometimes one partner will change and another will stay stuck. These relationships are usually doomed as it is important to grow at roughly the same pace. If your partner is never going to be able to give you what you want then it is probably better to separate. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship that cannot be rectified.
Once you have evaluated your needs and desires, you should decide which are critically important to you and which you can do without. Then it's time to look at your partner. Is he or she able and willing to contribute to the relationship that is so important to you? It's time to talk and negotiate to turn the problems around or call it a day. This needs to be done with a clear head. If it proves impossible to talk then perhaps a trial separation may be in order so that you can both get your heads sorted out and make decisions about what you want.
If you both decide that you want to work on the relationship then you will both need to make some changes to turn it around. As there was love there once then no doubt there can be again. Perhaps you could try counselling to help you make the necessary changes.
If one or both partners decide that it's time for a split, then you should accept that this is the end of the relationship. Some relationships are not meant to last and there are benefits as well as regrets to letting them go. Although this is painful initially, it is often for the best. Of course this will bring up more feelings of guilt and grief but once these are worked through both partners can then feel free to start over and meet someone else. Don't forget that many, many couples have survived a break up and moved on and you will do the same.
About the Author
Need help to revive a dying relationship or stop a break up? With the right plan of action, you can start to feel more positive and turn your relationship around. Get help in saving a relationship now. Alternatively, visit my website's relationship conflict and problems page for advice on how to start turning your relationship around fast.

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