How to read emotional affair signs?

Dr. Purushothaman
January 13, 2014


If you know that emotional infidelity at work are common and that your husband or wife seems distant lately, your imagination may be in overdrive, suspecting them of infidelity. Whether they are cheating physically or emotionally, the emotional affair signs are very similar to those of a spouse conducting a full blown physically intimate affair, with one very distinctive difference; the level of denial. A spouse having an emotional affair may be in total denial that their relationship is any kind of affair. They know that they have not slept with this person from work, or the gym, or the evening class. They will argue that this is just a friend you are anxious about; it is the 21st century, not the Victorian era; men and women can be friends; the list of arguments is relentless, and you need to be very clear in your mind what is an emotional affair, and is your spouse even aware that they are in the middle of one?
Emotional affair signs to look out for are:
The spouse is not aware that the following are the signs of emotional infidelity involvement!
A lack of communication that has grown over a period of time with a specific area of your spouse's life seems to be off limits, often their work life.
Initially a lot of references to a work colleague that recently seem to have tailed off. The tailing off indicates their realization of the emotional involvement.
Continuing references to a work colleague or member of the opposite sex they see regularly if they seem not to realize they are involved with this person emotionally.
Initial annoyance at your concerns about this person they are spending so much time with, followed by a drop in references to them (they realize you may be right) and then a refusal point blank to discuss this other person ( the guilt is now established)
The classic, working late at the office, or possibly, a sudden increase in gym attendance.
Evenings out without you and lunchtimes where the mobile is switched off. As the emotional affair gathers momentum, so they need to spend more time with their emotional confidante.
Emotional affairs at work are easier to cover up as they have to spend time with this coworker and so it can be justified.
If your partners other coworkers seem awkward and embarrassed when they meet you, this is a sign that they certainly believe an emotional affair is happening.
Your sex life may or may not be affected by this and emotional affair signs do not always include a reduction in physical intimacy; it will depend on your spouse's overall feelings towards the marriage.
The intimacy that is being withdrawn is emotional intimacy, and this could well be a gut feeling of exclusion from your partners' important emotions and feelings, even from some of the important decisions that they make.
It may be very hard to challenge your spouse and, without concrete evidence, difficult to get at the truth, but you owe it to your marriage to try. If all or any of these emotional affair signs are apparent, then, whether or not your spouse confesses to having an emotional affair, they must understand that as a couple you need to tackle this withdrawal of intimacy.

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