Alone Or Not In A Relationship - Who Are We?

Dr. Purushothaman
January 22, 2014


Alone. who are we? This is a very good question. Many of us have at one time or another spent some time alone, or should I say "not in a relationship." It is my assertion that relationships have a far better chance of being successful after two people have been alone for a period of time.
Personally, I've had my share of unhealthy relationships. Jumping from one relationship to another was probably one of the worst things I could have done. I never even gave myself time to process one relationship before starting another one. I also never stopped long enough to get to know who I was apart from someone else.
It actually took being alone after a particularly painful breakup for me to realize that "being alone" or "not in a relationship" for a period of time can be a very good thing. Of course it's what I do with this alone time that can make all the difference in my next relationship. Truth is, do I want to continue attracting the wrong people or do I want to take the time to become the best person I can be?
It's important for me to realize that every relationship I engaged in provided me with some valuable lessons and information that I could reflect on. Perhaps I kept attracting the "wrong" people into my life because I was not yet the person I needed to be in order to have that healthy relationship.
In other words, each person that came into my life was the right one, at the time, to teach me the lessons I needed to learn. Lessons that would help me be the person I was meant to be and eventually bring me closer to the person of my dreams. That's why it's so important to take the time in between relationships to reflect and grow every closer to becoming a better person.
Today I try not to look back with regret on any past relationships I had. Over time I've come to realize that I learned valuable lessons from each one and I grew to become a better person.
So if you're between relationships don't think, "Oh, I better rush out and find someone else!" Don't waste time and energy thinking of ways to quickly jump into the next relationship. I know some people have a difficult time being alone. I was one of those people. But, thankfully I learned that this time alone can be a time of healing; a time of reflecting back on past relationships and discovering what each person was there to teach me about life, and love, and most importantly about myself.
This is a time of looking within to determine exactly who you want to be in a relationship. This is a time to become the person who deserves the relationship you seek.
No one looks to get involved in unhealthy relationships. So how can we stop this cycle of choosing the same types of unhealthy people? Try looking at each relationship and figure out exactly what it was about that person that made you think that they were perfect for you during that time in your life.
Once you figure this out and put it to good use you will have won half the battle. The other half is preparing yourself to be the best person you can be. The traits you want in someone else you must first have those same traits yourself. If there is something about you that caused you to lie to previous partners, then you need to carefully look within and figure out what you need to heal in order to become the honest person you really want to be.
In some instances relationships can act as mirrors. They show us things about ourselves we'd rather not see. But, if we take this information and learn from it we are but one step closer to becoming who we want to be.
It is so important during this alone time to become the person we want to attract into our lives. Like attracts like. It's also important to make a list of the characteristics that we want in a partner. It's much more likely that we'll attract the person we want when we become clear about what we are looking for.
Another thing to keep in mind during the "Alone Stage" is that we are OK just the way we are, and being alone is not the same as being incomplete. So often people think they have to be in a relationship to feel like a whole person. Of course this is totally false. We are complete without that certain someone to share life. During this alone time we tend to focus on the one thing we don't have instead of looking at all we do have. We waste far too much time feeling sorry for ourselves. The alone time we've been given is truly a gift, and it can make all the difference in the world in how we experience our next relationship.
Finally, make the most of your alone time. Don't be in a rush to get into another relationship without first taking a good hard look at the one you just got out of. Give yourself time to heal. No one wants a wounded bird. Plus, there is no set time on how long this healing will take, but when the time is right don't go looking for love, let it find you. In the mean time why not focus on being the best YOU you can be.
About the Author
For more on Matters of The Heart, such as love, relationship tips & secrets, intimacy, romance, infidelity, breakups, getting your ex back, and much more, please visit Jody's website to help you navigate the highs and lows of relationships.
Jody Morales

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