About Relationships: Letting Go of the Fame You Never Had

Dr. Purushothaman
January 22, 2014


Love relationships can end in interesting ways, for example where ordinary people end an ordinary relationship, and then one person becomes famous. Suddenly the ex of an ordinary person becomes the past of a famous person.
Very few people in such a situation can actually walk away from the temptation to spill the beans. And of course any memories of the ordinary ex will be one-sided and not necessarily supported by the recollection of the famous ex.
Recently the television presenter Jeremy Clarkson was in the news because he had a gagging order on his ex-wife, Alex Hall, lifted. They were married for two years until 1991. In 1993 he married his current wife. Now the ex-wife makes claims about a continued relationship after he re-married.
Whether her claims are true or not does not matter. What is important is that in a sense neither Mr Clarkson nor his ex-wife has left their relationship. They may have ended their physical relationship, but the emotional and spiritual relationship is still firmly in place, and both of them still need to work through their emotions resulting from that past relationship.
It would not be surprising if Ms Hall still has strong feelings of resentment about having left the relationship. Mr Clarkson really made his name on television after their marriage had ended, and she was never part of the fame that he obtained while he was married to his second wife.
If Ms Hall was able to put the marriage behind her, she would have reached a point where she would be able to talk about Mr Clarkson with gratitude for what she gained from their relationship. Instead she goes into detail about her reasons for ending their marriage, and how she was (and still is) affected by him.
What could she have gained from the relationship that she should be grateful for? Of course their relationship has changed her for the better, and there is some wisdom that she has not acknowledged yet. Instead, she focuses on the destructive side of the relationship.
Has Mr Clarkson moved on? If he felt he needed a gagging order nearly two decades later, then there are still some emotional buttons related to his relationship with Ms Hall that could be pressed. He needs to work through his emotions based on his relationship with her. It does not matter how long their physical relationship lasted. What matters is that he still has an emotional relationship with her, which will continue until he is able to look back at the experience with gratitude for having gained his own wisdom.
When Mr Clarkson can say It does not matter what she tells the world, because I have accepted my behaviour and learned from it and moved on, the emotional relationship between the two of them will finally come to an end. As long as he feels the need to defend himself against anything (whether it is true or false) from the past, he still has unresolved emotions that will result in a knee-jerk reaction every time a new revelation is published.
Sadly the press does not thrive on no comment and if that becomes his response to allegations because he has truly dealt with everything from the past, he may be found guilty by default. However, that will also be a test of whether he has truly put the relationship behind him or not.
Once both parties can be neutral and non-emotional about their past relationship, and once they can both express gratitude for what they have learnt about themselves from the relationship, the spiritual contract between them will come to an end. And that will truly be the end of the relationship.
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About the Author
Elsabe Smit is an international author, speaker, counsellor and psychic. She helps people make sense of their past, present and future, so that they can live fulfilled lives. Visit http://www.ElsabeSmit.com/relationship-advice/ for more information.

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