Low self esteem is a devastating downward spiral of negative thinking. Every negative thought you have about yourself dents your confidence. That in turn is made obvious to anyone that meets you and they react to that. This then reaffirms your perception of yourself as useless and worthless.
The only way to break out of the black hole of low self esteem is to smash this negative thinking spiral and replace it with a positive thinking cycle. This is sometimes referred to as a virtuous circle. Positive thoughts make you more self confident. People see this and treat you as someone worthy of their attention. This reaffirms your self belief and so on.
So if the secret to improving your self esteem is in changing your subconscious thought patterns, how can you do it? Easy. Build up an arsenal of powerful ‘mind weapons’ which you will use every day until they become second nature to you. Usually within about thirty days.
Here are three quick and easy ‘mind weapons’ to get you started. Although simple to use, they become hugely effective when you develop the habit of using them and they take effect on autopilot.
The first mind weapon is the fixed positive thought. Your aim is to create one extremely powerful positive thought about yourself which you will draw upon every time you feel bad about yourself. To make this powerful, listen to your favourite happy song with your eyes closed and imagine yourself doing something you are good at and really enjoy.
Do this exercise every day for a month until the image is deep in your mind. Every time you feel low, go and listen to that song and close your eyes if you are in a place to do so. Over time you can recreate this in your own mind without having to close your eyes or even listen to the song. It will take place in your mind.
The second mind weapon is switch thinking. Imagine walking into a party and someone attractive looks over at you. Your low self esteem reaction would be to think that that person thinks you are ugly and boring. Instantly switch that thought to the exact opposite. Imagine that look means they find you attractive and they are catching your eye hoping you will come and talk to them.
Cue your fixed positive thought and then give a quick smile back and move straight on with purpose to something else whilst fixing an imagine in your mind that the other person has smiled back. Giving someone a smile whilst not waiting for one back shows the other person extreme self confidence and they will admire you for that. Over time you will feel comfortable with this and allow yourself to wait for the real smile back which will ultimately come.
The third mind weapon is critical thinking. If you are self conscious you will imagine that everyone is judging you and your actions every second of the day. You are processing those negative thoughts almost constantly and it is exhausting and humiliating.
With critical thinking, make snap decisions on how to process these incoming thoughts. You cannot prevent these thoughts coming in but you can decide to simply ignore them. If it is all too much for you simply allow the thoughts, as they say, to pass in one ear and straight out of the other. Then just switch to your fixed positive thought.
If you have a bit more confident with this you can allow the negative thought to be stay long enough to be processed. In most cases you will recognise that it is an irrational thought and not worthy of reacting to and let it go.
What about those negative thoughts that do seem to have some rational truth to them? This is where you make the biggest leap. You accept that nobody is perfect and there is absolutely no way you can please everybody all of the time. Think to yourself “Yeah? And so what…” Honestly, try it. It is one of the most liberating thoughts you can have.
The key to successfully dispelling low self esteem and building immense self confidence is to create your own personal arsenal of these quick and easy mind weapons. Use each one at least once a day for a month until they become second nature. A habit or subconscious thought pattern then happens automatically. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you give them a try.
By: Sam Arch
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