Many people have trouble being real with themselves and with others because they associate their mistakes and / or faults with guilt and or shame. They may feel that when they admit their mistakes that they are somehow less of a person, that they are inferior and lack worthiness. This could not be farther from the truth, but previous notations from within them may be causing this conflict. For instance, you may have come to feel as if you were not good enough by a parent, a spouse, or perhaps by some demeaning people, and those old negatives still come up and play a part in your life today.
Admitting your mistakes or faults should actually be quite liberating for you. Because when you admit and accept your mistakes, blemishes, shortcomings, and faults you are no longer trying to live up to some unrealistic model of perfection. Whoooo! What a relief it is! The battle of trying to be perfect is one you are going to lose. This does not mean that you lower your standards or that you act with irresponsibility, it simply means that you accept the fact that you are going to make mistakes. When you accept this truth you will stop being so hard on yourself, and by the way, stop having unrealistic expectations of others, (including your spouse). Furthermore, you will learn that by simply realizing your inability to be perfect, that you can forgive yourself for those things that guilt is trying to hold you to in condemnation.
Are you coming to a realization right now? Look, we all miss turns, so we make u-turns! We have all split the milk, so we have all had to wiped it up. Not a single person on this planet is perfect, that includes your mother, father, boyfriend, spouse, and your boss. Why attempt to achieve that which is unobtainable? You can’t do it, quit beating yourself down because of your mistakes. So you forgot to pay an important bill or you made a bad decision. Accept it and make efforts to improve for the next time, but don’t go around hanging your head low because you fell short of perfection.
Being accountable for your actions and taking responsibility is necessary, but within those aspects there are learning and growth processes. When you bump your head on the overhanging door you learn to watch out for brain bashing obstacles. You accept that you were not paying good attention, you make a mental note, so that in the future you will avoid the same headaches. When you accept your mistakes without guilt or shame, you allow growth increase, and you alleviate other possible headaches!
We all miss the boat and end up on the train sometimes, but we keep moving in progression. Life is a constant learning lesson, you know the saying “we learn from our mistakes”, right? Well, everyone is going through similar processes in which life often hands us learning curves. It’s how we react to those curves that matter. When we stop trying to be perfect and take on humble attitudes our maturity expands. And, with this understanding we begin to look at others differently as well. When we realize and accept that our companions are going through similar processes, we will quit trying to hold them up to some level of perfection in our own eyes.
Your personal strengths are unique unto you, just as your weaknesses are likely to be. Other people in your life, such as your spouse, will be strong in areas that you are not, and weak in areas that you are strong. You are meant to compliment each other, not to pick upon each others weaknesses. This is not to say that there is something wrong with them pointing out those weaknesses, because we all have blind spots in our rear view mirrors that block our insights that we need to know about. It is saying that you point out areas of weakness for growth advancement, and then love those people with their blemishes. It’s not to pick on their blemishes as if you do not have any.
Addictions or poor behaviors do not make people invaluable or lesser, everybody has some sort of addiction of some kind. Addictions are those things in which are done in repetitious manners. As a simple example, I drink coke on a regular basis, that is one of my addictions. Since everyone has some sort of addiction it makes them normal, it does not make them losers. Yes, there are some serious addictions that people need help with for their health and safety, but that does not mean that they lack purpose or that they are unworthy in any way. God has a way of taking the most unlikely people, restoring them for His good, and then elevating them to higher levels for the good of others.
Everyday you have the opportunity to cut yourself and others some slack. When your spouse fumbles the ball, you reach down and pick it up for them. When you realize that you have made an error in choice, direction, or perhaps said something that you wish you could take back, accept it as a mistake, say oops and make the most of it without making yourself to feel bad about it. Sure, apologize when necessary, you are likely to be met with love and understanding when you do.
Proverbs 17:9 says; He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or haps on a matter separates even close friends. It’s pretty clear isn’t it? Love overlooks mistakes and faults, we are to overlook those mistakes that others make, why are do we not do the same for ourselves? As I already touched on, it’s because we are trying to live up to some illusion model of perfection, even as we are stubbing our toe on the door jam. Take a deep breath, and when you exhale let out all those things that you have been feeling shame or guilt about by way of unintentional mistakes. Ask God for his forgiveness, even for intentional mistakes, and then be willing to receive His grace.